I've Got Some 'Splaining To Do.

Rather than put my arthritic hands into fits and spasms, filling out Christmas cards ad infinitum this year, I wrote my family's first holiday letter (no, the wearing of Christmas sweaters and vests is NOT forthcoming) to sum up our past year of ups, downs, and happenings.  Mentioned, of course, was the loss of our old family dog and the passing of my dad.  My daughter's section highlighted her kitten-mommyhood and her foray into and out of instrument playing.  My husband's paragraph told of his continued love of the job that brought us across country and gave the latest on his music and line of analog synths.  Mine recapped my year: writing, revising, and submitting to literary agents.  All about us in a festive paper nutshell, hands saved, friends and family brought up to speed.  I mailed them off and checked a mission off of my to-do list.  And then I gulped.  What happens if I still don't have an agent when I see those people?  What if I do have one, but my book is far from being published?  WHAT WILL THEY THINK?  Should I have kept my "mouth" shut?  Well...no.  That WAS my past year...it's also my upcoming year (and hopefully my lifetime, except for the seeking an agent part). 

Let's step back a bit...

I consciously did something when I began writing my first YA novel in August 2009.  I told EVERYONE I was doing it, even my friends on Facebook--a few of whom only got to know me because of my double life as a farming vampire (Farmville and Vampire Wars addict, right here--I should be ashamed).  I didn't announce my activity as a blatant cry for attention; I did it so I couldn't putz out.  I know myself;  I have a filing cabinet full of writing I started, thought about, put away, considered again, half completed or fully completed...but did nothing with.  This time was different down to the pith of my bones.  This story kept me up; this story told itself.  This story spoke to me and played out in my head, and I'd be damned if it was going to end up in that filing cabinet.  So I narced myself out.  For better or for worse.  Lo!  It worked!  I finished a 90,000 word YA manuscript!

Then what?  A lot more work happened: beta readers, revision, query letter writing, synopsis writing, elevator pitch writing, researching agents, submitting to agents, more revision, a lot of waiting, some rejections, some requests for more, and more revision.  I understand these things because I'm in the middle of them--because I've learned about them from every source I can get my hands on, as well as from simply living them.  People not seeking publication don't know these steps (and they don't need to--unless they have a loved one trying to get published--because it pulls back a little of the romantic curtain that hides the Great Oz of the book world).  When I tell someone I'm looking for an agent and haven't found one to rep me yet, I'm often met with a face that screams, "There must be something wrong with your writing if no one will be your agent"...well, that could always be the case (I don't think so, but it could be), but what they don't know is that seeking an agent is part of the process--a HARD part.  It's not about hiring someone--it's really like competing for a job with LITERALLY thousands of other applicants; an agent doesn't get paid unless s/he sells the book s/he chooses to rep--no sale, no money--so they better fall in love like Cupid smacked 'em with his arrow, because they're going to have to shake their money maker, big time, to get the manuscript to print for the author.  For this reason, 95% of what an agent sees (and a good agent gets hundreds of query letters a week) gets the big "R" of rejection.  The whole thing is subjective and full of many variables, luck honestly being a part of it.

Am I published?  Novel form, not yet (magazine filler and product reviews, yes).  Do I think I will be?  Indeed, I do for a few reasons: writing is the ONE thing I get lost in (yes, above every other pursuit or pleasure).  It's what I've always wanted to do and can do.  It's what I always come back to.  It's what I need for my sanity.  It's what I studied to do.  It's what I've won awards for.  Most of all, I feel that I will be because of the most important reason of all: tenacity.  I keep learning all that I can about the process of getting there and also the process of my own writing.  I'm not above or closed to more revision; in fact, I'm constantly thinking of a better way to present something--what seemed to be a drunkenly gorgeous paragraph when written in a fit of inspiration sometimes just reads...well...drunken after a few reads, post-writing climax.  It's all a puzzle to me.  And I LOVE it.

Published or not, am I a writer?  Hell yeah!  For all the reasons above, whether any of my work ever sees a hardbound shell or not, I am a writer.  Though, so help me, I will not end up a little old lady with a trunk of unpublished work--at that point (and only at that point, if it comes), I'll self-publish.

In addition to heading my holiday letter recipients off at the proverbial pass, this (what will be) muti-part posting will also be for some other people: I now have friends who feel that they should write a book, too.  Awesome!  Pull up a chair, and let's talk, because there are some things to know going into the process.  While I'm no expert, I'm in the middle of the battle, and I've learned...oh how I've learned!  Let me paint the picture of my experience over the span of a few posts.  

In the meantime, while I percolate Part II, the following is required viewing.  ;)



See also: 'Splaining Part 2: Don't Put the Cart Before the Horse, 'Splaining Part 3: Here's What's Taking So Long.  I'm Not a Slacker...Stop Laughing., 'Splaining Part 4: This Is It.